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हम हैं ना

  I do not use that word – love (too misunderstood, damned, and misused). However, err not. Being an aspirational member of Dumbledore’s Army, and a lifelong adherent of the Swanson Code – ‘If you don’t believe in love, what’s the point of living? ’ – it is just the word with which I have issues, not what it is supposed to convey. (Again, I do not mean what people generally use it to convey – desire, or want, or all the ‘ships’ being shipped nowadays.) Also, I won’t tell you how I would define love – because I would not! Some things – law, life, love, duty – are निभाने के लिए (I could not better convey it in this language). These are borne by acceptance, dedication and devotion, not by definition. As it is, the very challenge is to seek (or come across most unexpectedly) a person for whom the soul instinctively and effortlessly scooches to make space, as if it always belonged to them (and you never knew that the said space existed before you met them). Chalo! What was this supp...
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Recent posts

Isms and Life

    Living needs some rough operative belief framework. We are guided by a broad worldview, and idiots aside, it changes as we harvest days. I can't speak for most, as I've mostly kept away from them, but I have experienced the 'self' moving through life with various belief systems - idealism in the teens, realism for most of the twenties, and cynicism in last few years. And I mean not to say that the phases were lived in pure observance of the mentioned isms (there are overlaps and some remnants). In fact, memories do not feel like a lived past but arrive more as a watched movie (and the character seems completely unrelatable). All this constitutes the premise of whatever this is going to be. So, before memory fades, I need to note some remaining trends of the current 'ism'.     Ok!  What is cynicism? I don't know exactly, but I know how to reach there. First, build high ideals in life. Then, find that ideals mean squat! Then, without completely flushing t...
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Boo! Marriage...

     I am a PhD scholar. This means that I am in a constant state of anxiety and guilt. Pouring my thoughts here aggravates that guilt because these thoughts have nothing to do with my thesis. This is about marriage. Having recently turned 31 and graduating to the social position of a Senior Bachelor (unlike other senior positions, this promotion grants a higher level of ostracization) I have a lot to say. Those happily (or sadly) married might disagree with what I have to say. I won't say everything here but express a handful of moorings. For what it is worth, these are just rants, not canonical truths (just pretending to be humble; yehi sab sach h!).       The search for a companion could proceed in broadly two ways: on your own, or search by parents. The first is (usually) a rather relaxed subconscious search, whereas the latter is a more fast-tracked intentional browsing. The first has no method (and is therefore deemed 'mad' by social conventions)...
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I had a dream!

365 days since the decision to take a break; to walk away.   Years talking to the self was transformed into a will to teach. The wish was granted, and it began quite well. An unparalleled guide – supportive, critical, and correcting – is much more than you could ask for (especially at a job in this space between Himalayas and Indian Ocean). A group of challenging (of the academic kind) students was the best initial offering. The lockdown came as an unwanted aberration that did not help; it destroyed all the plans for classroom interactions.   It was a welcome sight to see another lively group when the classes became fully offline. There is no measure of satisfaction to gauge that contentment. This is difficult to write. The cursor is a tease. It is cruel. It waits for something to be expressed, and blinks as a reminder. A marred memory does not help. It was not all perfect. But I remember the quick response that I had when my teacher asked me ‘How are you doing?’: ‘I have some...
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Farewell Dear Twenties

A life of relative comfort – absence of war and poverty – affords lapses of nostalgia. Recollections from the past are often mistaken for a longing to return. Re-visitations are but consequences of memory – flashbacks, if you will. The imprints seem to rewrite themselves ever so slightly every time they present themselves – forever rewriting the emotions evoked.  The past is a different country, and contains a different self. Or properly said, contains so many iterations of the self, that the idea of being one with it seems to be evidenced only in the perceived continuity of the body, and its acknowledgement by others. It is apt that the mother tongue grants the plural first-person pronoun “हम” – addressing all the past selves with the present in the present. Visiting and residing in other cultures could not change that (as it does for most) as it silently accommodates the inner dissensions.  Turning thirty is supposed to be an important life-event. Maybe a dramatic change wil...
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Exhausting Being Human

  There is so much that life has to offer. The human experience, however, gets too inhumane sometimes. And not all are equipped with the strength to traverse the muddy waters without splash. The many gifts of life become invisible; hopelessness takes over, and the rejection (or inability) of the world to stop (or even slow down) for a bit requires one to travel in darkness (often pretending to be without fear). Ok. Maybe the world does not need to apply brakes for every little wuss out there who finds difficulty in carrying some burden. But, maybe, the need may be acknowledged; maybe some way could be devised to reduce the burdens, or to accomodate the overwhelmed for a while. You will say such efforts will be misused, and if misuse is the argument then please demolish all human institutions.  Just create some scope for rest, reflection, peace and meaningful solitude. The effort to be human is increasingly painful - the mores are continuously adding new things; evermore we're ...
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As it is: Democracy

     Let me clarify. This is not an attempt to define the concept of democracy, nor a prose to discuss what it was meant to be or what it ought to be. This is simply about what democracy is - out there, everywhere, as observed and applied. Okay? Alright. Let's go.      Humans are dramatic animals. We are not comfortable being true to ourselves. Everything has to be enveloped in a sweet narrative. We developed the narrative of legitimacy to license power. Democracy is a part of this narrative of legitimacy. In other words, democracy is an explanation we love to hear about how the powerful acquired power in the first place. So far as power is gained by a process deemed democratic, most of us feel safe, secure, and cradled in the nectar of  human wellness. Beyond that, it is nothing. Okay, one value notion may be added; but only because it is out there (to some extent): requirement for majority (not really).      So how does it al...
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